Hello Darlin'...it's been awhile...

I know, I know...I definitely need to be more consistent with my blogging. Life gets in the way. Funny...that makes for an excellent post doesn't it? Have you ever been on FB and seen those "Nobody loves me" posts? Or "The is a test, I don't think anyone will do it, but I want to see if anyone is even reading my posts...." See, I am confused by these posts. For starters, if you think it is fun to "give one word that describes how we met," I think that is perfectly fine and fun to boot. If, however you are fishing for friends...you need to understand something...that is exactly what friendship is NOT about. I have five best friends (not including my mother). Now I am ALWAYS open to more best friends...but these are the people in my case gals who I would trust with all of my secrets, dreams, plans, and...weaknesses, challenges and trials. They love me in spite of me. Meaning they love me because of who I am. All of me. The good and the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Most of the time, I don't have to filter what I say, or sugar-coat how I say it. I do try to be sensitive, but mostly I see my roll as that of counselor, confidant, cheerleader, and the giver of unconditional love. That is MY job as a friend. My friends live all over. My sister is in Arizona. She is an amazing mother, you have never seen kids tow the line like hers and yet she is so loving about it that I don't think her children realize that she is strict with them, scheduled and organized. Basically everything I am not, and wish I had more of in me. She is also well educated, but she chooses to be at home raising her children. Did I mention she has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do? My oldest friend lives in Nebraksa. I prayed for her when I was 14. I prayed to have a best friend. The kind that one has for life. We met walking to school in Jr. High. I looked over at her as we were walking and talking and said silently to God, "I wonder if this is my best friend?" Sure enough...we are still besties to this day. She told me one day when we were about sixteen that when I got married she would be waiting for me on the temple steps. On October 24, 1998 in Manti, Utah...my best friend was standing at the bottom of the walk way to the front doors of the temple. She has been there for me everyday. She is the most selfless person I have ever known. She holds no grudges towards anyone...yet has been hurt by many. She forgives unconditionally. I think that is why I forgive so easily, she taught me that. We don't see each other often. She has never been to visit me, but I would never go home without seeing her. And when I call, even if it has been months...we pick up right where we left off. Time has no impact on that bond. Did I mention that she is a die hard Catholic girl, actress/model and substitute Math teacher? Another one of my friends started with me in one town, being one of my first friends...and the hardest one to part with just a few months ago. We moved away a few months ago, and as luck would have it month after we moved they moved to Idaho. This particular friend adored my children and loved them as her own. She was SO sacrificing and again, that selflessness and service. She served my family and me constantly. I have never had a friend who would fold my socks for me, or take my kids while on bed rest, or sick. She was my drop-by friend. She was always there for me. Even at great inconvenience to herself and her family. I cannot tell you how many times she made dinner for us. I want to be like that. Serving like that. Loving my friends like that. Did I tell you that she had three kids and a business of her own? My last two friends are both from Utah. The first is my sister-in-law. She and I are opposites in a lot of ways, but in the ways that matter...we "get" each other. She is a runner, funny as all get-out, adventurous and fun. She makes me laugh! She and I love her drive, her determination, her desire to be a great mom. She takes her job as mom and wife very seriously. Yet, she is nothing but serious about life. She lives for the moment. I want to be more healthy and fun like she is. Whenever I go an visit, it is like a shot in the arm and I am renewed. Did I mention that she is a nurse and has written a book? Then lastly, my friend in Utah Valley area. She and I are kindred spirits. We also met in Northern Wyoming, then they moved back to Utah a few years ago. Our moving has placed us within driving distance and I get to see her a lot more frequently than the others now. She and I NEVER have enough time to talk. She has quotes all over her home. Inspiring to herself and her family and to me. She is SO patient with her children, yet is firm and teaches them as she corrects behavior. She is always looking to better herself and do something more...whatever that means for her at the time. She is kind, never wanting to offend. Always the cheerleader, and when I offer counsel...she actually wants to hear it, perhaps because our counsel to each other is always offered in love. She runs several businesses and is currently building them into one. She always does addiction counseling and other self-help classes. She stays up late and barely sleeps, and is constantly sharing her knowledge with others. Did I mention that she was the prom queen in high school? No, because I didn't know until just a few months ago. I never would have guessed it. The reason I share about all of these extraordinary women is this. I will never be upset with them for not calling me, or contacting me, or even dropping me a thank you note. They are busy being great. They are busy serving other, their families, bettering themselves, working towards their goals and dreams. I could not think of a better thing for them to be doing! I know, if I need them...I need to call them and let them know. If they need me. I am always here. I will not write any of my friends off because they are doing what Christ wants them to do...raise their families, be good wives and achieve great things. And if they can't respond to a Facebook post or text...I am not going to write them off or "Unfriend" them. I am going to be proud of them, because I know they are living their lives and being my example. When there is time...we will catch up, and I will get to hear all about their great mothering techniques and challenges, how they served others, what they are doing to fulfill their dreams and goals and how their daughters received their first catechism.

Building Relationships of Trust

Hello Little Sisters, Had to take a bit of a haitus there as my entire family has had a medical issue of one kind or another since Decemeber and when you have six humans and two dogs...those things just have to take priority. That said, I decided to write to you today about a couple of things. I have been contemplating so many things right now, and although I have a TON on my plate I have felt over and over again the need to get on here and share my thoughts with my Little Sisters. It's not a life-altering "Ah-ha" moment, but nevertheless I find myself as of late discussing religion with friends who do not belong to the Latter-day Saint Church. Having been brought up in a part-member home (my step-day was Catholic), I can appreciate the differences and the similarities of beliefs between different faiths. As-a-matter-of-fact, I think that this point-of-view made me a stronger missionary while I was serving a full-time mission, and this unique perspective DEFINITELY makes me a better missionary now. Of course, like many I was afraid of placing my precious testimony before those who would "defile it." However, as I contemplate this attitude of keeping my testimony to myself I realize that there is NO WAY that those perceptions and even anti-beliefs will not change if I do not desire to change it. How do I change those misconceptions about our beliefs?? I share my testimony. Yes, totally a Catch .22. Recently though I realized something. I need to trust in humanity a little more. After all, didn't we, and by "we" I mean all of us here upon the earth, choose to come to earth? That means we fought side-by-side in Heaven. Regardless of what that person NOW believes, at one time we were on the same team. The Lord's team! So what better place to start BRTing (Building Relationships of Trust -Missionary Training Center lingo) then right there? And what I mean is, there is no better ground to build a foundation of trust upon when building testimonies than that which is made of solid LOVE! So my LS's, as always...these were not necessarily the words that I was going to write today, but they were definitely the words that needed to be posted. Please share with me YOUR experiences and thoughts on today's topic.

Gracias Por...

While serving at the MTC and preparing to head out on my mission I was blessed to room with two Hermana's (Sister's who are going Spanish speaking areas). Since they had to learn an entirely different language in only a few weeks time the used their Spanish every chance they had. So, at night when we had "Room Prayers" theirs were always in Spanish. Their Spanish was still limited of course, but the one thing I remember very clearly was "Gracias por..." and fill in the blanks! This of course is "Thank you for...." I thought it interesting that what they were taught to say first, was how to talk to the Lord about how grateful they were. I loved that. It was beautiful to hear (and incidentally, one of the few parts of the prayer that I actually understood). Less than six months later, I found myself celebrating my only Thanksgiving while on my mission that had me equally grateful. I was in a "threesome" with a beautiful sister from New Orleans, and another one from Tahiti (we were the Oreo Cookie Gang!) and we were blessed to be serving in the BYU Asian Ward that month. We were invited to share that Thanksgiving with other students, students that could not afford to fly home for the weekend holiday (Japan and Korea aren't exactly a quick car ride home). Of course, we fit right in!! There was no turkey that year. No stuffing, mash potatoes, gravey or pie. Instead what there was was this amazing feeling of the Spirit, and an understanding of what that first Thanksgiving must have looked like. People who were different, but who all believed in the common power of the love, and a God who loved them and were merciful. No prejudices. No strange feeling of awkwardness. Instead we had the biggest pot of rice and curry that you have ever layed eyes on, along side sushi, and a million other dishes who's names I cannot even pronounce anymore. We had this bond of a testimony of Jesus Christ, being far from home and people we loved, trying new things, excited about meeting new people and making new friends, and of course or love of spicy things! As you sit down this Thanksgiving, take from my story what you will and apply it to what you may. Take a moment to talk with those who are elderly, to wrap your arms around them for just a moment. Find the closest, chubby baby and love and tickel on them. Grab your mother or father and tell them how much you love them, even if you just had a fight. My step-father passed away nearly 12 years ago now. My mother is visiting my sister in Mesa. My adopted sister is having dinner with her extended family, and all of our extended family is back in Omaha. What I wouldn't give for the moment you will have tomorrow. To love on someone just one more time. To hear a baby life because of you is the sweetest sound in the world. To be able to tell your mom or dad that you love them, because they are simply here...these are all gifts Little Sister's. Be grateful for them. And if you cannot find any other reason...be grateful that you don't have to make the turkey until you grow up and have a home of your own. :) Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful for you! xo Dani

"You Do Not Define ME!"

Today on Facebook I saw this quote from Elder Richard G. Scott (October 2003 General Conference): With all my capacity I encourage you to discover who you really are. I invite you to look beyond the daily routine of life. I urge you to discern through the Spirit your divinely given capacities. I exhort you to prayerfully make worthy choices that will lead you to realize your full potential. You are of a singular generation with exceptional potential. No wonder Satan wants to cripple that potential by tempting you to violate the laws of God. He knows that he has no power over a righteous individual. Yet he is a master at making sin appealing to the undecided. Remain worthy. When you really understand who you are, it is not difficult to resist Satan’s temptations. Then he can’t thwart the development of your true potential. Oh my Little Sister's, please understand that "Knowing Who You Are" is something that you must find out regularly because it will be tested daily! I have only shared this story with a few in my life, but if I am truly going to serve my "Little Sisters" I have to lay everything out there. When I was 13 years old, I was treated horribly by the Young Women in my ward. Girls acted like friends to my face, and in the same breath talked badly about me behind my back. This was a new Ward for me, and I could not understand what exactly I had done so wrong to deserve being treated in such a way. This all came to an ugly head one summer, my FIRST summer at Girls Camp. We were in the process of switching Wards during my first year at Camp, so this event occurred during what was technically my Second Year, passing off two years of requirements, AND staying with the Third Years because there were no Second Years at Camp that year. (Are you still with me on this? lol) I stayed in a tent with girls I was not particularly friends with, but they were the only ones from my Ward that I knew. One day, I tried to stay out of their way, but at night I would listen to them talk and hang out with them (where else was I going to go?). One day I came back to our tent where someone had taken a maxi-pad and shredded it all over my sleeping bag. When I realized what it was and who had probably done it I was totally embarassed and humiliated. Having no friends in the camp, and not being a tattle-tale, I retreated within myself and went with hands shaking to the campfire and just sat and stared while I figured out how I should feel about this and then, what was I going to do? I couldn't very well go back in that tent again. And what on earth had I ever done to those girls to deserve such treatment?? The answer was simple, NOTHING. When I went to Church Sunday and those girls still acted as if nothing had happend. They giggled together, walked around with their noses in the air, as if they had not just spent the last week trying to destoy me. What they did not realize was that this one event defined me. For the rest of my life I have remember that week. Why? It was then that I was tried. I was tested, and I had discovered WHO I was and WHAT I was made of, and that has made ALL the difference in who I am today. I walked into that church building knowing that THEY DID NOT BREAK ME and that I was determined to be there because it was what I wanted, and I knew that I was stronger because of them. That I CHOSE not to let them take my testimony away from me. It was not theirs to take! From that moment on, things changed in my life. I became a leader in our Young Women's organization (one that continued to grow). I never actually held a "leadership position" but from what I understand, I was loved because I made others feel loved. I went out of my way to make certain that not a single one of those girls ever felt the way that I did during my first months in that new Ward. If I thought for a second that I had hurt a single one of those young ladies, I would repent of it (yes, 20+ years later). Even today, my favorite calling next to Seminary Teacher that I have had was as the Ward Girl's Camp Director. Where are those girl's from so long ago? Unfortunately only one or two are still active members of the Church. The others...still fence sitting. It is so sad to me. So my Little Sisters...determine WHO YOU ARE right now, today! Pray to know your purposes, to hold true to the Lord. Don't walk the fence...decide and stay true to that. I clung to the Lord through that week of H#@*. I have never been treated so badly in my life than I was that week...and I will forever be grateful that I walked through it to know that other's do not define me. Have a great day Sister's! xox Dani

Modesty...Honestly

Although I have been "writing" for years, and have even started several now non-existent blogs, this is the first one that is so near and dear to my heart that it was a must-do! Today I was reminded of this fact when I saw a dear "Little Sister's" Facebook post with a photo of herself and her friends. In the photo's they were headed to Senior Formal. The first thing that I noticed was how gorgeous she was...and her modest dress was stunning on her! Now, I LOVE bling. Can't help it. Sparkley things...yep, totally all over it! And this young lady was all about the bling! 100% class. So impressed with that. Oh, don't get me wrong ladies...I LOVE the look of so many amazingly immodest dresses. I would love to have so many of them. I think they just stunning, and I do long for one...for about a minute or two. However, after that two minutes is up...the first thing I wonder is "How can I modify this dress to make it modest and still maintain its flash and flare?" You have had the "modesty" talk a thousand times I am certain. See, I never did though. Teenage girls did not have the push 15-20 years ago that they do now about such things. At least not that I was aware of, until my Relief Society President sort of called me out on it. I was 21 and getting ready for a fancy dance and business dinner (with my future husband). It was off the shoulder. I knew it wasn't as modest as it could be, but hey I added long sleeves to it, wasn't that good enough?? I have nice shoulders!! I wanted to show them off. So, did it really matter? In the course of the night I never thought of it, and had kind of shrugged it off, but somehow I can still see her being so kind as she made suggestions knowing and understanding better than I did that I did not need such things to show my beauty. Within five months I would go to the temple...and would never wear that dress again. Do I still look at those those clothes and yearn for them...well, not so much so now, because I know that I am teaching my own daughters that their beauty lies within. That when you distract a young man with flesh..."there shall his heart be also." Now, my husband didn't seem to notice that night (convert to the Church), but having looked back...could my attire have made him uncomfortable? I know it would today. My husband is gorgeous, and his favorite outfit of mine is one where I am pretty much covered up from neck to toe. :) My LS on FB, she did not have to learn this lesson. Her date could be proud instead of uncomfortable as she tried to pull up her strapless gown over her chest for the hundreth time as it slid down. He did not have to avert his gaze when she leaned over, and all he had to focus on was this beauty that he walked into the dance with that night. And she is beautiful. When trying on clothing, ask yourself? "Where will people be looking?" If the eyes are the "window to the soul," can everyone see my soul or are they looking elsewhere becasue my attire makes them uncomfortable? Just sayin... xo Big Sis Dani

What is "Big Sister's Room?"

I don't think that there is any place more safe, or sacred than a "Sister's Bedroom." Within the walls of that room, secrets are shared, questions answered, long-night talks take place about...boys, friend drama, things of God, school, parents, and anything else we could think of. My little sister and I, although not having been close during our teen years, still find that our sanctuary from the world. So, most of those discussions take place on the phone...but in the meantime I have found that I have a desire to provide this for all of my "little sisters" in the world. Questions about some of these things can be difficult to discuss, but even more difficult to simply ask! Now I have the privilege of inviting more "little sisters" into my proverbial "bedroom." So, I created this site so that we could make the Big Sister Bedroom as big as it needed to be. Discuss questions that needed to be discussed...maybe those things that might be difficult for you to discuss otherwise. So, imagine this as my big, fluffly, feather-topped bed here at my house, and we are all laying on it, eating chips & dip, with a bag of chocolate being passed around, feet up on the wall, while lounging in our favorite comfy pajamas...and we are just simply chatting it up! So, come and spend some time with your "Big Sis" and maybe we can help each other. I am NOT promising that I know the answers to EVERYTHING...but I do think that I can guide you to where you may find your answers. I may not tell you everyting you want to hear. I may ask questions to help you discover the answer on your own even. Keep in mind though...I am going to turn to my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as well. And if I find that what is being asked is a little more "sacred" than this blog will allow, I will probably ask you to message me, or I will refer you to other wonderful resources your own parents, big sister as the case may be. :) I truly believe that this is a chosen generation of young women...but this life gets complicated, and Satan has truly waged a battle against this elite force. So I will be there for you as much as I can, helping you figure out your place, and where you stand and what you can do to make certain you stay "True to Who You Are" (paraphrasing Shakespear here). I hope you enjoy this site and check back often as I add all sorts of helps, and new conversations are added. You may not always like the answer...but that doesn't mean that my answer is not correct either...so be prepared for that one. Either way, my answerws will always come from my heart and with total love for my "Little Sisters." xo Dani